


not to disappear

by humanveil



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 5+1 Things, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Softish Kylux?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-08-23 23:38:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8347285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humanveil/pseuds/humanveil
Summary: Their relationship isn’t one filled with tenderness. It wasn’t soft touches and sweet kisses; it was scratching and biting and blood. There was nothing romantic about it, and yet…





	

**Author's Note:**

> to be perfectly honest, i've no idea what this is. i found it in my kylux folder and decided to post. hopefully it makes some sort of sense.

i.

Kylo barely waits for Hux to catch his breath before standing, fingers reaching for the tunic that lies discarded on the floor. Hux doesn’t say anything, just watches from his place on the bed, eyes following the movement of Kylo’s back as he redresses. 

He should be used to it. Their relationship isn’t one filled with tenderness. It wasn’t soft touches and sweet kisses; it was scratching and biting and blood. There was nothing romantic about it, and yet…

There’s a part of him, buried _deep_ within himself, that wants Kylo to stay. Even if only for a little bit, Hux wants to feel him next to him, to feel the dip of the mattress as Kylo sleeps beside him.

It’s a ridiculous want. One he wishes he didn’t have.

And yet.

Kylo turns to look at him, fully dressed save the mask Hux has grown to hate. There’s a furrow in his brow, his face contemplative. It’s only there for a second before he scolds it back to a blank slate, and then he’s leaving the room without so much as a _goodbye, General._

Hux realises a little too late that his defences weren’t as intact as they should've been.

 

ii.

The next time they see each other is a month later when Kylo comes back from a mission. Hux’s gaze trails over him as he enters his personal quarters, eyes stopping on the clenched fists, the grinding jaw.

He doesn’t need a mission report to know it failed.

They fall onto the bed, hands grabbing at each other’s clothing until skin touches skin.

Kylo doesn’t kiss him on the lips. He never does.

Hux tells himself he doesn’t mind.

When they’re done, Kylo gives him that same look; as if he’s trying to figure something out but doesn’t know _what_. It’s there for a minute before it vanishes, and then Kylo turns to leave.

iii.

_A ghost of a touch against his skin, the warm press of lips against his own.  A sense of gentleness as two bodies move together, against each other; searching for something nothing else in the galaxy could give them._

_It’s… nice. Hux doesn’t want it to end._

_It always does, though._

He wakes with panting breaths, chest rising and falling erratically. His eyes stay fixed on the ceiling, wide and unblinking; as if he can’t believe what his own subconsciousness had made him dream.

Eventually, he turns on his side, looks at the emptiness of the bed, and pulls the blankets around him tightly; as if the warmth of the fabric could make up for the absence of a body.

He hates being lonely.

 

iv.

“Can I stay?”

The words are a shock, but Hux doesn’t let Kylo know that. Instead, he takes another drag from the cigarette hanging from his lips; blows the smoke into the space around them, watches as it curls up, up, up, before disappearing all together.

 _Yes_ , he wants to stay. _Of course_.

He won’t. It’s not who he is, who he should be.

It’s not what they do.

He looks to Ren; keeps his gaze trained on his face, doesn’t let it drop to the exposed chest, the muscled body covered in evidence of their activities, in scratches and sweat and come.

“No.”

 

v.

He makes Kylo keep the mask on next time.

It’d been too personal, as of late. Too intimate. Too close to Hux giving in to every desire.

They don’t even make it to the bed. Hux bends him across the desk, keeps a hand planted between shoulder blades to keep him there, and lets the day’s tensions wash away as he moves rhythmically.

_In, out. In, out. In, out…_

He’s the first to walk away when they’re done.

Somehow, it’s easier like that.

 

 

i.

The next time, when he’s turning to leave, Kylo catches him by the wrist; pulls him back and pushes him up against the nearest wall. Pushes their bodies together, so they’re breathing the same air, so they can see or feel every movement the other makes.

“What?” Hux asks, voice impatient, hiding the slight tremble.

Kylo stares at him, silent, as if he’s searching for something. It should be creepy, Hux thinks.

It isn’t.

He opens his mouth to speak again, but Kylo cuts him off with a kiss. It’s soft, gentle; warm lips moving against his slowly.

It’s like a dream.

When the surprise wears off, his hands come up to Kylo’s shoulders, pushing him away. Kylo relents, but stays in his personal space, keeps their bodies together. There’s a small frown on his face now, though. His gaze questioning.

“Isn’t this what you want?”

_Yes._

_…No._

_Yes._

Hux doesn’t say anything. He’s so tired of lying, but he can’t bring himself to admit the truth.

Kylo brings a hand to his face, lets his fingers gently rest against Hux’s jaw. It’s so different to their normal touches, Hux doesn’t know how to take it. He wishes he could walk away; wishes it was that easy.

“I know you do,” Kylo murmurs, and Hux had suspected as much. Keeping secrets was hard when one could skim your mind.

“So?” He says it because he doesn’t know what else to say, because he’s better at this if it’s a challenge.

Kylo comes closer again, and Hux doesn’t stop him when he leans in for a kiss; finds himself kissing back slightly. Voice a quiet whisper, Kylo mumbles the words _me too_ against his mouth, and a content sigh passes through Hux’s lips.

Neither of them leave, not tonight.


End file.
